I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
