He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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