It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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