I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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