she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
