Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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