My balls are so social today.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
