you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
