i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
there is glitter all over my balls
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