With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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