I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
