hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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