I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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