You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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