He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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