i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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