Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
