So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
