The maid of honor just puked.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Where is the hickey?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
