I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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