In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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