I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize