he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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