I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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