I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
