How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
