i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
well, you know. whores of a feather.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
