My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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