you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
