I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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