When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
