I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
