Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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