I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
