I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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