i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
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They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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