I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
