Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
