Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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