Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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