If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
