last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
