talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
