Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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