Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My cat gives me a boner
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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