Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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