I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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