I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
