Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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