Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we're so committed to being not committed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
