Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
