she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
this hospital has no fireball
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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