that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
