hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
