He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
