the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
