Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this boner is exhausting
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
