I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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