I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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