There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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