It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Found your dick twin last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
