Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
MIDGETS
????
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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