dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Only a mothe r could love this liver
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
