At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i came on her dog
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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