Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
