It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
