she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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