guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
