every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
