ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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