oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
