I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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