I wish my penis had an off switch
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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