Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
