I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
