On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my sisters under your porch take her home
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
