dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
