You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
